[and how] “Thingamajigs” got invented
by Pat Miron
This is a story about how the
“Thingamajigs” got invented. [A slightly satirical account of why and how the bible exist.]
Everyone knows that we can’t tell how the
thingamajigs were invented without including a bit about “oomloffs” [which of course come complete with there own “fleabaces”].
Lets go back to a long,
long,longtime ago. Back to the beginning.
I am a genius
[of course], And everyone knows that genius’ “CREATE” NEW STUFF. After having already made BILLIONS of things, and placing them here, there and everywhere, and knowing that I had “done good,” I sat back and admired all that I had made. But I was the only one aware of all that I had accomplished [out of nothing-no-less!]. …. Not soooo good.
So then it came to me.
[Did I mention that I’M a GENUS?]
…. I’ll make Oomloffs and give them a fleabace so they too can know Me and what I have made and appreciate Me and all that I made. [Including them.]
So I did.
The Original “Oomloffs” were a lesser version of ME. [Cleaver! Right?] All was good [for awhile that is]. Then out of the
bluea bunch of Oomloffs became defective. [I hate it when that happens] but it was my own fault for giving them a fleabace. So I got rid of the defective models and was determined to make a second edition. The “OOMLOFF- 2.”
And I did
. But this time I modified their fleabaces, so that they would not be quite as efficient as the
“Model 1” Oomloffs. I compensated for this by placing them in perfect conditions. And even made these model 2,s with the ability to reproduce themselves, so I wouldn’t have too. But I did build in a regulation system that I still controlled [pretty smart huh?] Then I gave them everything they could possibly desire, short of being exactly like me.
[One Genus is MORE than enough.]
Well, you can imagine my disappointment
when the model 2 prototypes; influenced by the
rejected model 1’s, became defective in the very same manner. I knew this was a possibility, but thought because I gave them a perfect environment, it would be enough. After all, they had everything including ME!… WRONG! [Darn, I Do hate it when that happens.]
While I was thinking about how to correct this
, I gave the “Model 2,s” a lot of freedom and even permitted the
Model 1’s [all of them defective], to mix and muddle with the Model 2,s. The Model 2’s REALLY liked this ability to self-produce and soon there were ca-zillions of them. [That my friends is a WHOLE BUNCH OF THEM!] So many that I had to step in. [Again.]
In the “whole lot”
[all of em] of the Models 2’s I found ONLY one set of Oomloffs that would not [and had not] permitted themselves to be influenced by the defective
Model 1,s. So I kinda washed my hands of all of the Model’s 2;s except for the one set that was still good. I was now convinced that I had to continually do a “QC” [quit – cheating] test on them so I left the Model 1’s in place to test them. [I Had to get some use outa them Model 1‘s!]
I then decided I needed a “business plan.”
[Did I mention that I’m a Genus?]
In order to have a business plan, everyone knows that ya gotta have a “BM” [Business Manager]. So I appointed and choose the lead Model 2 for the task. I gave him verbal guidance and directions and told him not only to supervise the other Model 2’s, but to teach them how to not become defective. [I hadent invented writing yet]. Heck they were just learning verbal communication skills. Even us Genius gatta go slowly. [Oomloffs are kinda new and VERY COMPLEX ya know.]
My idea for a Business manager was pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty good. So I decided that was what I would do from now on. I’d appoint a “BM” to supervise, direct and lead all the other Oomloffs. And to teach them how NOT to become defective. But because there were sooooo many of them, and because they did after-all have fleabaces; some took to the teaching well and some didn’t. And I was getting more and more defective Oomloffs all the time. Further action on my part was needed.
By now there were so many Oomloffs that there were wars
and fights and feuds and a lot of other kinds of false teaching besides what I taught and I wanted. ….
What should a Genus like me do? It would be no simple matter. I had to pretty much go back to the old drawing board and figure how to regain my original influence. How would what I taught get taught?
So I sent My Son.
They’ll listen to Him, I thought.
[he’s a genus too, “like Father, like Son.”]. In the meantime much of what we had taught and commanded, and the successes and failures were being recorded as I had by now, invented writing. So my son had a HUGE task ahead of him, but also now had previous history [experience] to assist him. … Now I’m not one to “micro-manage” a business, so my son had a great many decisions to make on just how he would now run the family business. We talked about it, but I left it mostly up to him.
[Genus that he is… “like Father like son“],
developed and modified our original business plan. He recognized that the task that lie before him was too big [even for a genus to accomplish by himself]. So he choose twelve Oomloffs that he personally would teach and train how to avoid becoming defective like so many other Oomloffs had chosen to do. [That ability to freely choose is what I gave Oomloffs fleabaces for]. Then knowing that he would soon retire, My son choose one of them to take his place and set up a plan for this Business-Management model to always be continued. He even gave him the “BBM” [big Business Manager] his authority and powers. He then foresaw that even this was not going to be enough; so he inspired several carefully chosen Oomloffs to write a business Instruction AND “Training manual; a “Thingamajig“. Explaining the products in detail and just as importantly explaining how to use them correctly, safely and effectively and fully in avoiding becoming defective too.
Because Oomloffs are of a VERY complex design, and because I built into them the ability to make there own decisions
, it would not be possible [or prudent] to allow just anyone to be able to read and UNDERSTAND precisely what the “Thingamajig“. shared. [This is seriously complex stuff after-all.] So pains were taken to insure that Not just anybody could just pick it up and correctly understand the “Thingamajig“, and then make the right decisions on how NOT to also become defective without guidance. That is WHY my son personally trained these twelve carefully chosen Oomloffs [One of whom became defective despite his best efforts] … did I mention that [I hate it when that happens?]My son and I carefully crafted and supervised personally the message and instructions to be shared so that ONLY certain Oomloffs, chosen by Him, and me; then carefully and fully trained would have access to ALL of the knowledge, [that’s the “key”] to ALL of the secrets, all of the hidden and partially concealed instructions to avoid becoming defective too.
We knew that with twelve [an even number] of “BO’s“ [“Boss Oomloffs”] that there might be disagreements and debates that had to be settled. That is WHY my son choose just One to be in charge and direct and supervise all of the others. And also why my son set up JUST ONE place,
one organization that has on-going access and guidance from me and my son personally. …. We, Me and My Son warranty the teaching 100%, because we are still very much involved in what is taught. So long as we are involved [which is forever], it will remain this way.
In the meantime the
Old Model 1 Oomloffs are doing there best to wreck the company. [Jealously rules them]. Many not chosen by Me and My Son use the Teaching the-“Thingamajig“, BUT ONLY My Managers can translate and interpret it fully and correctly. So ANYONE wishing to be trained how NOT to become defective MUST go to My management team. My Business Organization. They alone have “the key.” [Did I mention that my Son and I are genus?]
Friends this satirical look at the bible bears a vital salvation message. Thousands of Protestant denominations have assumed a right not granted, and not desired by God.
Namely the “right” to self interpretation of God’s Holy Writ, the Catholic Bible. As a punishment for this, a great multitude of souls are at grave risk, because they have by there assent to false teachings, cooperated with this dissimulation; many, maybe even most, unknowingly. And yet because God makes available to everyone sufficient grace to not simply “know of Christ,” but more critically, the opportunity to know Christ truth and God’s own teachings, there is a Just Judgment due.
Some of you may have found my story hard to follow? That was my intent. The bible is even more difficult, more complex and uses even a wider variety of forms to share it’s messages. And that was the point I am hoping to make in this document.
From the beginning with Abraham, Noah, Moses, David, Solomon, the Prophets, and the Apostles; God has chosen precisely how His Teaching would be shared and in the process, protected, by God Himself.
Logic ought to dictate that simply because one can read a book, one may not by that fact alone, have the training necessary to comprehend it, and to be able to actually follow and do what it is saying. If the book describes how to perform open heart surgery, or nuclear fission, or rocket-science, we may know many of the words, maybe even understand a few of the concepts; but can just anybody read and then teach others how to do what the book commands? Yet, this is exactly what ministers outside of the Catholic Church have assumed a right [and an ability] to do. They have usurped powers and authority not granted and certainly not desired by God Himself.
Why friends did Christ; following the Old Testament example; insist on belief in Only Him; in ONLY what he taught and Only one faith organization? Anyone agreeing that “this may have been true at one time; but the CC gave up that Godly protection, simply proves my point. This is literally an impossibility; because it contradicts
1st. Tim. 3:16-17, Mt. 28:16-20, John 14:16-17, John 20:21-22, and John 17:15-19; as well as a GREAT many other passages that explain that this simply cannot be. It is a impossibility!
Acts.20: 28“Take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God [SINGULAR] which he obtained with the blood of his own Son.”
1Tim. 3: 15 if I am delayed, you may know how one ought to behave in the [SINGULAR] household of God, which is the church [SINGULAR] of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth [SINGULAR]
“He who hears you hears me, and he who rejects you rejects me, and he who rejects me rejects him who sent me.”
So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, [singular] built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure is joined together and grows into a holy temple in the Lord; [singular] in whom you also are built into it for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.” [NOW READ JN. 14;16-17 AND JN. 20;21-22] The CC WAS THE only “CHURCH” IN EXISTENCE WHEN THE Bible was completely written by the end of the 1st. Century, so every biblical reference to “church” or “churches” is speaking about today’s CC.
Jer.3: 15“`And I will give you shepherds [plural] after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding.”
2nd. Cor. 9: 13
“Under the test of this service, you will glorify God by your obedience in acknowledging the gospel of Christ,”
2nd. Cor.11: 12-13
“And what I do I will continue to do, in order to undermine the claim of those who would like to claim that in their boasted mission they work on the same terms as we do. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.”
1 Peter 1: “12
It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things which have now been announced to you by those who preached the good news to you through the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look.”
Mt. 7: 21-23
“Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.”
2 Tim. 4:
”I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word, be urgent in season and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths.”
2 Peter 2: 1-3 “
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their licentiousness, and because of them the way of truth will be reviled. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words; from of old their condemnation has not been idle, and their destruction has not been asleep”
Eph.3: 9 to 12 “And to make all men see what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things; that through the church [SINGULAR: meaning THE CATHOLIC Church] the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose which he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confidence of access through our faith in him
“He who has ears, let him hear.” Then the disciples came and said to him, “Why do you speak to them in parables?” And he answered them, “To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given.” For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. “
2nd. Peter 3: 14
“Therefore, beloved, since you wait for these, be zealous to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. And count the forbearance of our Lord as salvation. So also our beloved brother Paul wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, speaking of this as he does in all his letters. There are some things in them hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other scriptures. You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, beware lest you be carried away with the error of lawless men and lose your own stability
John 5: 37
“And the Father who sent me has himself borne witness to me. His voice you have never heard, his form you have never seen; and you do not have his word abiding in you, for you do not believe him whom he has sent. You search the scriptures, because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness to me; yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life [Speaking of accepting the entire WORD of GOD]. I do not receive glory from men .[Meaning disobedience is rampant!] But I know that you have not the love of God within you. I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not receive me” [Obey Me!]
And friends even these are just a smattering of the evidence that exist in the Bible when correctly understood. NOTICE in
Matthew 16, when Jesus presents “The KEY’S [plural] to Peter to the gates of heaven… ONE of these key’s is the exclusive right and the exclusive ability of the Pope, and the Magesterium ALONE to correctly and fully explain the Gospel message.
Belief in God; IF it’s going to get you to heaven, MUST be on God’s terms and conditions. Obedience to the Commandments includes complete obedience to the faith organization that Jesus Himself choose and protects. And there IS ONLY ONE such organization. That dear friends in not open to compromise or discussion. It is God’s way; or it is you’re way. One stands a MUCH better chance of getting you to heaven than the other. But God permits [but does not allow] us to choose for ourselves. Amen!
May God continue to Bless and guide you,
Love and prayers,